


The Prize of Our Own Survival

by Lanyare



Series: What's Done Cannot Be Undone [1]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Death is the best tag I can find, Especially in this reality, Everything sucks in Wonderland, What-If, Wonderland
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-13
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2019-03-17 15:19:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13661730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lanyare/pseuds/Lanyare
Summary: In the third round of Wonderland the stakes are higher. Refusing a sacrifice can lead to a penalty that's more than you expected to pay.Or, Taako refuses to give up his beauty and regrets the decision immediately after.





	1. Chapter 1

_"What if we sort of…take away something that diminishes over time? Which is to say…some of your beauty, Taako! I wonder if you would accept a sacrifice that deals a hit to your vanity like that. If you take this, Taako, you’ll just become… slightly less of just a beautiful, young elf man."_

He can't.

He _can't_.

Maybe it would seem ridiculous to most, especially after he'd allowed the pair to drain his abilities, his very _life_ , but-- that's who he is. Taako, from TV, shining and beautiful and adored by all, and without that…

Without that, what is he? What could he be?

Merle and Magnus each offer to take another spin, both combining to send an unwelcome pang of discomfort coiling into his chest. Taako doesn't even have to look at them to see the missing eye, missing finger, the grey in Magnus's hair, and yet here they are offering to _help_ him. _Him_. It's...it's _infuriating_ , that's what it is.

But it nonetheless leaves him on the verge of agreement, a flippant comment forming as he opens his mouth-- but then he stops abruptly enough to nearly bite his tongue as a frisson of unidentifiable _discomfort_ shivers down his spine, a crackle of static running under his skin, and he can't. He just…can't.

"Not gonna happen," he says instead, giving a shrug, eyes half-lidded with a casual unconcern he doesn't in any way feel. "I'll take the penalty."

With the words another light appears above the door, leaving two glaring red beside the row of green, and Taako quickly steps forward again to spin the wheel, ignoring the way his companions audibly shift position, both ready to volunteer to take the penalty. _That isn't gonna happen, either_ , he tells himself grimly.

Taako leans into an indolent pose as the wheel spins, using his umbrella for support and examining the fingernails of his free hand as though none of this matters at all. He doesn't glance up until the wheel begins to slow, then covers his dismay with a faint sigh as he sees the result. Body. Again.

"Not sure there's enough life in the ol' Taako left to drain, my dudes," he observes, tapping a fist lightly against his chest with a dramatic little cough. "I mean, you already kinda got a good chunk of it earlier."

Lydia laughs her utterly insincere delighted laugh and steps from the shadows beside the wheel, leaning against Edward's shoulder in a movement that seems both careless and perfectly coordinated as he's suddenly standing there as well. "Oh no, no, not at all, my dear Taako. This is round _three_ , after all, the stakes are, well...a bit higher now."

The liches both exchange a look (mirrored perhaps unconsciously by Merle and Magnus, Taako notices, though he doesn't look away from their hosts) and after a moment of silent communion, identical expressions of glee curve to life as they turn back to face the trio.

"Oh, but Taako. Dear, _dear_ Taako," Edward begins, "we're going to offer you something _spectacular_. Something no one else has ever been given in the history of Wonderland."

Taako only barely manages not to jerk away as Lydia is suddenly right in front of him, teeth bared in what she likely intends to be a smile. "You asked for it yourself earlier, after all. And we here at Wonderland, well… we're here to help you earn everything you wish, aren't we?"

"Not following, I'm afraid." Taako shakes his head, feeling his pulse racing and hoping that nothing of his growing unease shows, that they don't see the way his grip has tightened on his umbrella until his hand feels like it might cramp. "What was it I asked for?"

"Why, to work with _us_ , of course, dear!" Now both of the liches are standing before him, mirror images of malicious delight and glittering eyes. "You _did_ ask if we were accepting applications," Edward continues, voice half a purr. "And we decided to accept! Congratulations!"

The lights in the room flash a dizzying rainbow to accompany the word, leaving Taako blinking rapidly to clear his vision as Lydia takes up the thread. "Unfortunately, though, there's one _tiny_ thing you need to, mm, _give up_ before you can join us, dear, sweet Taako."

With a precise flick of her wrist she gestures toward the wheel where the _body_ icon still flashes on-off, on-off as the arrow points to it.

"What, you're gonna kill me first?" Taako valiantly attempts to maintain the uncaring facade, but can almost hear the creak of the umbrella's handle as his hand tightens all the more. "Cha'boy's not up for _death_ , y'know, nothing cramps your style more than, uh, not...having...one anymore. Besides, I look _terrible_ in black."

"Oh, don't be silly!" Lydia's laughter takes on an edge like glass shards, glittering and sharp as the teeth displayed by her widening smile. "You're a powerful magic user, Taako, it's a simple matter indeed for you to _transcend_ such things as _mortality_ …."

Edward links his arm with Lydia's, both of them moving closer still in unison, close enough that Taako would have been able to feel the warmth of their bodies had they existed. Close enough it's all he can do not to step back in reaction. "All you have to do is become like us, Taako. Leave your _body_ behind, merge with your magic, and...you'll be part of Wonderland. Isn't that _wonderful_?"

"Uh, just...peachy. Um." Taako glances sidelong toward his companions, toward the glaring red lights over the exit, to the monotonously flashing light on the wheel, back to the pair of liches hovering uneasily close. _Should've taken the last one, Taako, should've done it. Had to listen to your fucking vanity. Good job, asshole._

"...what about the others?" He tilts his head to indicate Magnus and Merle, wondering if the gesture looks anything as casual as he'd like it to. "Those chucklefucks would never get out of here alive without me, we all know it. Wouldn't be fair to just leave 'em to die, would it? Can they leave if I stay?"

Edward and Lydia exchange glances again. "Weeeeell…" Edward begins, pursing his lips thoughtfully. "You do have to _earn_ your prize in Wonderland. And just letting them go? Mmm. That...that just wouldn't be _fair_ , now would it?"

"But if you accept and join us, Taako dear, maybe you could...convince us?" Lydia's smile widens, but never touches her eyes. "I'm sure you could be very _persuasive_ if you put your mind to it!"

"Taako--"

The urgency in Magnus's voice immediately draws Taako's attention, though he finds himself reluctant to look away from the liches standing so close that it makes the hair on the back of his neck stand up. "Don't do this. Whatever...whatever it takes, I'll take all the penalties--"

"Like hell you will!" Merle interjects, and Magnus glances down at the dwarf for an instant before looking back toward Taako again.

"Fine. _Merle and I_ will take the penalties. But don't, we'll do whatever it takes, anything it takes, _don't do this._ "

"Oh, Taako. Taako, I wouldn't listen to him." Taako hadn't seen the liches move, but suddenly they're right beside him, almost on top of him, Edward's mouth up by his ear, voice soft enough that only the elf can hear it. "You know how Wonderland works by now, don't you? It only gets _more_ difficult, not _less_."

Taako flinches as Lydia's giggle sounds so close to him, her hand resting on his shoulder with a peculiar lack of warmth or pressure. "If you say no now, then...mm. What do you think your _friends_ will be asked to sacrifice in your stead?"

Though he's trying his best (which is quite good indeed) not to show any of his thoughts, Taako suspects the liches have other ways of knowing just how cold he suddenly feels. Not that he cares, of course he doesn't care about these two idiots, he'd never even think such a thing, except he has _no one else_ and if they die, worse yet if they die in an effort to protect _him_ then….

He presses his lips together in a tight line and casts one last glance toward the others, but Magnus is looking off to one side, absently scratching his palm with one finger, and Merle is flipping frantically through his book as though he'll find something actually useful to cast. "Fine," he finds himself saying as his attention returns to the two liches. "I accept. Let's fuckin' do this."

The false smiles Lydia and Edward are wearing turn immediately to predatory leers, and Taako pretends not to hear the shouts coming from Merle and Magnus, He _can_ see a rapidly-growing black cloud in the edge of his vision, but doesn't dare to look that way. Instead he only returns grin for grin, his insolent to their triumphant, and lifts his hand in an impatient gesture. "Come on, come on, I haven't got all day here."

Lydia begins to explain what he needs to do, but Taako shakes his head and interrupts, certain that if he delays too long they'll notice the way his legs are beginning to tremble, or how much weight he's actually resting on the umbrella. "Nah, I got it."

And he does. How or why he knows the process of becoming a lich, he doesn't know or consider, especially with the sharp sting that surrounds the memories, encouraging him to flinch back rather than dwell; must have been a book he ran across at some point. Maybe he read it without realizing at the time just what it was, but that isn't important now, really, is it?

All that matters is the feel of the magic thrilling through his veins as he opens himself to it, the words of the ritual--

 _\--oh gods, Kravitz, how is he ever going to explain this to_ **_Kravitz_ ** _\--_

\--and the sound of a bell rings painfully loud in his ears as fire roars to life around him, consuming him whole.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi I haven't written fanfic in about a decade but this podcast, man, this podcast. 
> 
> Part 2 will hopefully be up soon - it's mostly written in my head, I just need to transfer it to the computer.


	2. Chapter 2

He _can't_ be seriously considering this.

Magnus doesn't need the _NO, DANGER, STOP_ signs being pressed urgently against his hand by the red-robed spectre to realize that this is seriously, seriously fucked up. Give up his _body_? He can't imagine why Taako would even stop to consider such a stupid thing, but there he is, not moving even as the pair of creepy-ass liches sidle closer and closer to him.

Yeah, okay, maybe he's a good enough wizard to turn himself into a lich, but even a magic ghost is still a _ghost_ and doesn't that kind of mean death is involved? Magnus isn't just going to, to sit here and watch one of his friends die, not while there's an ounce of breath left in his body.

Without looking down he brushes _CONFIRM_ against his palm, just to get his weird ally to stop bugging him, wishing he knew a sign for _NO SHIT, I'M NOT A MORON_ (it probably exists, too bad he hadn't thought to ask Carey).

"Taako--" he begins, hands closing into fists as though he could somehow punch his way out of the situation, feeling the trembling in his arms that means he's ready to move, to act. When Taako meets his gaze, Magnus tries to convey through just how strongly he wants the elf to refuse this sacrifice as well, willing his friend to listen, to turn to those liches and tell them to shove their _job offer_ where the fucking _sun_ doesn't shine. It would mean more spins, of course, more sacrifices, but he'll take any number of lost years or health or limbs if it means he can keep someone else from having to deal with it instead. "Don't do this. Whatever...whatever it takes, I'll take all the penalties--"

Beside him Merle snaps, "Like hell you will!" and just a tiny bit of weight eases from his shoulders. Okay. Okay, he can let Merle help out, if he feels that strongly about it. But only once. Still. Sharing.

"Fine," he concedes, turning back to Taako again." _Merle and I_ will take the penalties. But don't, we'll do whatever it takes, anything it takes, _don't do this._ "

Don't do it, Taako, he chants silently, over and over, even after he falls silent, willing his friend to listen.

_Don't do it._

But before he can do anything else the pair of liches are abruptly half-draped over Taako, and Magnus can see Edward's mouth moving even though he can't hear a thing. Not good. Not good at all, and he finds himself brushing a hand against Railsplitter's handle. Not much he can do with an axe at this point, but it makes him feel better, feel prepared for...whatever. Anything. Something.

Wait-- something?

He glances toward his hovering unseen ally, the red-robed lich who seems to be trying to be helpful, and lowers his hand to draw _START NOW_ on his hand.

The spectral figure hesitates, its hood swiveling to look toward Taako before it responds with _NOT READY YET._

_OUT OF TIME,_ Magnus replies, emphatically enough that his nail leaves a reddened line across his palm. _START NOW_.

Before he can get an answer, though, he hears Taako's voice, sounding peculiarly calm despite the situation. "Fine," the elf says, his tone almost bored, as Magnus looks sharply his direction. "I accept. Let's fuckin' do this."

"Taako! No, don't--" Without thinking Magnus half-charges forward, his hand moving to Railsplitter again, but he rebounds off _something_ as firmly as though he'd just walked directly into a stone wall, and he staggers back a step or two, shaking his head once to clear it.

He squints at the invisible barrier for a heartbeat, then his eyes focus enough for him to realize the air directly in front of him has grown hazy, like some of the dark smoke solidified into glass sturdy enough to feel more like steel. "Magnus, wait!" he hears Merle say, but he isn't listening; his axe is in his hands and swinging toward the barrier, bouncing off again and again as he calls the elf's name in desperate fury, his hands quickly growing numb with the shock of each impact.

Black smoke is all but pouring from him, enough to begin to obscure his view of Taako and the two liches, but Magnus has traveled with Taako long enough now to recognize some of his tells: he can see the way the wizard's hand is trembling against the handle of his umbrella, the set of his shoulders and the slight tightening at the corners of his eyes. Magnus can't just let this happen, not when he's _right here_ \--

And then a solid mass of crimson is in front of him and Magnus falters, blinking at the red-robed figure that's moved between him and the barrier. The hesitation is enough for him to return a little bit to his senses, to lower the axe still clutched in shaking hands, to look past the smoke toward Taako again. The liches have taken up positions on either side of the wizard, watching intently as he stands there surrounded by runes carved in light against the floor, his arms outstretched, lips moving silently, brow furrowed with concentration.

"He's really doing it," Merle mutters, and Magnus glances down in some surprise to find the cleric standing next to him, dragging his fingers through his beard with obvious frustration. It's something Magnus can entirely sympathize with, and he carefully pries one hand free of Railsplitter's handle to thump against the transparent barrier. They're so close, so agonizingly close, and the pair of them can do absolutely nothing to help.

Wait--

The fighter swivels around, searching for the Red Robe who had been there just a moment before...and finds it's now across the room, doing… _something_. Waving its half-skeletal hands, making gestures that look kind of magic-ish, nothing that Magnus can interpret. Great. Whatever it's doing, it doesn't look like it'll be useful any time soon, and in the meantime….

Magnus turns back sharply as the peal of a bell echoes in the room, sees Taako sag--

Taako wilts slowly--

Taako collapses to the floor--

and with his pulse roaring in his ears Magnus charges forward again, heedless of the barrier, only barely aware of a spectral shape rising from the wizard's limp and lifeless body.

He has just an instant to realize that this shape, this figure, isn't as clearly defined as Edward or Lydia or the Red Robe, but is instead flickering wildly, bolts of lightning playing over its form and lashing out at its immediate surroundings, each one growing brighter and stronger and suddenly--

_**Light**. _

Magnus and Merle are thrown backwards by a soundless explosion, landing hard enough on the stone floor to drive out breath and steal awareness for a moment or three, while the air around them is left reeking of ozone and char.

As soon as he can lift his head Magnus looks toward the source, toward Taako, fear rising acrid in the back of his throat as he blinks spots from his vision. Lydia and Edward have disappeared, leaving the vaguely Taako-shaped figure hovering in the air, wavering and staticky and surrounded by flares and flashes of lightning. He may not be a wizard himself, but it's clear enough to Magnus that this...this being, Taako, whatever, is dangerously out of control, but-- what can he possibly do about it?

Even as he wonders that the figure lifts spectral hands to its face, mimicking a living person pressing their palms against their eyes, and begins to _scream._ It's a terrible sound, piercing and inhuman, and Magnus claps his hands over his ears even though he can't even begin to muffle it, eyes wide as the storm of lightning flares to even stronger life with the sound. The sound drives right into him, making his muscles feel weak and his stomach churn, and he can just barely hear Merle cursing beside him. He has to do something, anything, but what can he do, what can he, how can he--

Then he catches sight of movement beside Taako's body and for half a heartbeat dares to hope, but it's...no, that wasn't his hand twitching, it was his...his _umbrella_?

The umbrella still grasped in one slack hand is twitching, jerking as though trying to pull itself free, and Magnus stares for a moment with incomprehension until another movement draws his attention.

This time it's the Red Robe, one arm lifted to shield itself against the unchecked fury of the Taako-wrought storm while with the other it points, again and again with increasing urgency, toward the umbrella, and it isn't hard for Magnus to grasp the intent, even if he doesn't understand the reasoning behind it.

He pushes to his feet again, grimacing as he pulls his hands away from his ears. Judging from the way the scream is rising in pitch to accompany the spark and crackle of the lightning, time is growing short to act, and if nothing else...well, Magnus is good at acting without stopping to think.

The fighter charges directly into the fury, half-stumbling a pace when he expects to encounter a barrier but finds nothing, unable to stop the quiet grunts of pain each time one of the flaring bolts strikes his flesh. He keeps moving though, heedless of the danger, forward, always forward, until he dives, sliding across the stone floor with a move that would have done Carey proud as he snags the umbrella and pulls it along with him.

He keeps going, rolling until he's out of range of the worst of it, then holds up the umbrella with a questioning glance back at the Red Robe. Just what is he supposed to _do_ with it now?

And then he frowns, squinting at the spectral form, wondering if he's misunderstanding; it _is_ a little hard to see through the field of lightning, after all. But...well.

All right.

Magnus shrugs, obediently lifts the umbrella and, mimicking the lich's gesture, snaps it in half across his knee.

And fire roars to life around him, consuming the room whole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone who's read and left comments and/or kudos! I'm thrilled that I'm not quite as rusty at writing as I feared I was, and that people are enjoying this little bit of fic. <3


	3. Chapter 3

Fire _roars_ through the chamber, flashing with a multitude of colored lights and echoing explosions...and then just as fast as it had appeared it swirls into nothingness once more. The room appears much as it did before, scarred with patches of char from the wild bursts of lightning, certainly, and now with a hot-metal tang mingling with the sting of ozone in the air, but all occupants are untouched by the flames. More importantly, though, the storm that was raging has stopped and all is still, almost unnaturally so with the echoes of that inhuman scream echoing in memory.

Where the wild and uncontrolled shape of Taako's lich form had been hovering are now _two_ figures. One is garbed in the same fashion as the wizard had been, its outline still flickering from time to time, sparks still occasionally bursting to life and tracing a short path before dying out again, but clearly much calmer and holding. The reason for this regained composure would be the  _ second _ figure, garbed in a red robe but slighter than the one who had been accompanying the trio (mostly) unseen through Wonderland, its hands cradling the sides of Taako's face with their foreheads pressed together, murmuring words inaudible to anyone but the two of them.

Magnus slowly lowers the hand that had been raised in an ultimately unnecessary effort to shield himself from the pyrotechnics, staring at the two liches before shaking his head once and rubbing his eyes. Somehow he just...can't quite seem to focus, no matter how hard he tries, and after only a moment longer he gives up. The important thing is that as far as he can tell the situation has calmed down a bit, so, good, but not so good, Taako is still….well. Ghost-y, and hovering above his crumpled body, which is so  _ not _ something Magnus ever wanted to look at.

"Merle? Cam?" Taking stock of the rest of the situation is a good excuse to look away, so he uses it. The cleric is dusting himself off and adjusting his glasses, but he grunts acknowledgment of the sound of his name. 

"In one piece. As much as I was, at least." He mutters something under his breath that Magnus doesn't quite catch, then nods down at the vaguely disgruntled-looking head on the floor near him. "And I got, uh. The...er. Him." He stops and frowns at the far wall, past the slightly-charred wheel still standing there. " _ That's _ new, though."

Magnus follows the look and blinks. The lights above the door remain unchanged -- a row of green with two red at the end glaring like pair of accusatory eyes -- but the door is  _ open _ . And, moreover, the Red Robe from before is hovering by it, gesturing urgently. For an instant he hesitates, just an instant, then he nods.

" _ Go, _ " he snaps, hoping that he's still following the right direction. "Who knows how long that's going to stay open, go, I'll be right behind you."

Without waiting to see if the dwarf complies Magnus turns, swallowing hard and steeling himself before looking toward Taako again.

There's still the same too-still body limp on the stone floor, still the spectral lich form above it, and Magnus isn't quite sure exactly what the best course of action would be (grab the body and run? he's  _ not _ leaving Taako behind, not in any form) even as he moves closer. But as he approaches he can hear a peculiar half-conversation, Taako's voice sounding peculiarly hollowed out as he responds to half-audible static that makes Magnus's head hurt to try to interpret, so he just grimaces, shakes his head once to clear it, and doesn't bother trying any more.

"There's no  _ time _ , the door's open but it's not going to stay that way for long. You need to get out and get out _now_."

"If I go back I'll forget you again." His hands close on the insubstantial sleeves of her robe, tight as though he's refusing to let go. "I can't-- I just  _ found _ you again, you can't expect me to do this."

She sighs, tilting her head a little in an abbreviated shake that doesn't break the contact between them. "Afraid I can, bro, but you know as well as I do I wouldn't even ask if it wasn't important. C'mon, the sooner we get going the sooner we can fix the fucked-up mess this has turned into."

"Lup--"

"I don't like it any better than you do, trust me." Another sigh, and reluctantly she draws back from him, giving his shoulders a little nudge as her hands lower. "Now get moving. I'll still be here with you, promise. I'm not going  _ anywhere _ this time."

"You'd _better_ not." It's only with obvious reluctance that he lets go, allowing himself to drift back toward his body again. 

Only then does Taako notice Magnus's approach, and in an instant his demeanor shifts, losing what had looked an awful lot like an unfamiliar degree of vulnerability. (Maybe it's just hard to interpret what a lich is thinking, but Magnus suspects he's right on this one.) "Just a sec and I'll be right--"

Taako's spectral lich form sinks down and merges with his body, and a second later he pushes himself up, grimacing as he pulls his unbalanced hat back into place. "--with you," he finishes, though his eyes are still a little unfocused, his skin unusually pale. "Shit, that's...uncomfortable."

"No, _really_?" The sarcasm possibly bites just a _little_ harder than intended, prompted by the way Magnus's heart lurches in his chest at the sight of Taako...well, not quite _alive._ But...alive? Probably the best way to describe it, at least for the moment, given that a) magic isn't exactly Magnus's strong suit and b) he isn't entirely clear on just _what_ _the fuck_ is going on. But Taako is moving again, no longer so unnaturally and distressingly _still_ , and that'll have to suffice.  


For the time being, though? Time to get the hell out of here while they still can.

Without waiting for permission Magnus takes hold of the wizard's forearm and hauls him to his feet, nodding toward the open door. "Look, Taako, I'm going to have a lot to say to you later when we have the time. But right now, we gotta go. Can you…."

"Walk? Of course, my man. Taako's good in here." His eyes cross slightly before fully focusing again, making the statement seem a bit more like bravado than truth, but he yanks his arm back and starts hurrying toward the door while resolutely  _ not _ looking either at the wheel or up at the lights still glowing red above the opening. 

"About time you got here," Merle greets them as soon as they're out the door, clearly ignoring the muffled yelling coming from his pack. The door vanishes almost on Magnus's heels and he gives a wary glance back at the rounded wall from which they'd emerged. A wall with...their names on it. How very interesting.

Taako gives a low whistle as he surveys the area, then squints toward the center of the vast chamber, where a single light illuminates a platform well above the level of their heads. "I'm somehow getting the idea we're supposed to go up there."

Merle snorts, jabbing sharply at his pack with one elbow, earning a muffled  _ "Hey!" _ for his efforts. "Seems like a good reason  _ not _ to go there to me, then." Pause. "...Magnus?"

Startled, Magnus looks back at the others, having obviously not been listening at all, and accordingly nods and starts toward the staircase leading up to the platform without waiting for the others. "I do that, then."

"You...shit. That's the opposite of-- okay. Whatever. C'mon, Merle, you might need to not heal us when we get up there." Taako turns to follow, wobbling  _ just _ enough to ruin his pretense of indifference, and Merle is immediately at his heels.

"So that's it, you're going to just pretend everything's fine and normal?" 

Taako squints downward. "Not sure what you mean, m'man."

"Hah." Merle jabs a finger into Taako's leg, since he can't reach an arm. "Mister Sure, Just Take My Body, I Wasn't Using It Anyway. What the hell were you  _ thinking _ ? Or, y'know,  _ not _ thinking?"

"Hey, it turned out okay--"

"Like hell it did! It turned out all, all terrible and  _ lightning _ and I thought we'd lost you there for a minute!" Merle huffs, partially from frustration and part from trying to keep up with Taako's pace on the steps. "You think we just wouldn't  _ care _ if we lost you? You think it wouldn't  _ matter _ ?"

"Look, I'm here now, and  _ that's _ what matters," Taako snaps, though his shoulders are tight and he isn't looking at Merle anymore. "Now how about we--"

His voice cuts off and eyes widen as they reach the top of the platform and find Magnus already there-- frozen in place with a hand locked on Railsplitter's handle and the axe half-drawn, facing a catwalk well-illuminated by the single spotlight overhead. And at the end of that catwalk stand Lydia and Edward, just as flamboyant as ever in new outfits of crimson and black, their eyes glittering with malice as they turn their attention on the latest arrivals.

" Someone is _cheating_ ," Lydia observes, lowering the hand that had been pointing in Magnus's direction. "We can't have that, now can we?"

"Of  _ course _ not." Edward nods an emphasis, shifting to let everyone see the copper bell cradled in his own hand in a deceitfully negligent-looking hold. "Taako, Taako,  _ dear _ Taako, we're  _ ever _ so disappointed in you. You can't just  _ take back _ what you've already sacrificed."

" _ Fuck _ your sacrifices. And your shitty torture dungeon." Taako's hand automatically tries to close around the handle of the Umbra Staff and for a moment he's visibly flustered, the tips of his ears flushing scarlet. He clears his throat and lifts his chin, glaring at the pair of liches as he fishes for his backup wand. "We're done with this."

Lydia laughs, a sound high and harsh and more vicious than amused. "Oh, you still don't  _ understand _ , do you?"

"We  _ did _ warn you, but you simply didn't  _ listen _ ." With a sigh of purely feigned sorrow Edward shifts his hold on the bell, his fingers curling about the handle as he lowers his hand. "A body was given in sacrifice, and that doesn't just...go  _ away _ , you know. So…."

Ice sears through Taako's limbs as realization strikes, momentarily freezing him in place as solidly as if he'd also been hit by a Hold Person. His hand halts in the act of raising his wand, then abruptly jerks up to point directly at the pair-- but that pause is just long enough for Edward to finish.

"...one of your  _ friends _ will have to sacrifice in your stead."

The bell rings out, a sound louder than any a bell that size should ever be able to produce, each echo louder than the one before before it abruptly falls silent.

And Magnus jerks, no longer frozen. He staggers back a step, then another, until he's wavering at the very edge of the platform.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you a million times to everyone who's been reading/commenting/encouraging me to keep going. I love you all. <3

Freedom is nearly all that Lup had hoped for after all those long years trapped inside her own staff, confined and restless in maddening darkness with only herself for company; these past months after Taako had found her had almost been worse still, with the growing awareness that even though she was always _with_ him he wasn't aware of it. He wasn't aware of _her_ , and even after she'd spent months saving up enough energy to call out to him it had all been for nothing.

She'd at least managed to perceive the world around her, but being forced to watch as her brother, her family, went through trials and suffered while she sat a step removed was its own sort of torture. And then here, this place, _Wonderland_ with its pair of petty sadists ruling like self-appointed demigods, was a whole new level-- until finally that last sacrifice…

If Magnus hadn't broken the Umbra Staff and set her free--

Lup shivers even now, watching her brother making his way out of the room with Magnus, trailing along behind unseen (almost like being back inside the umbrella again, for all they can tell she's there, but now she can _move_ and _act_ instead of clawing futilely at those _fucking_ curtains and that lets her keep herself under control). She doesn't want to think about what would have happened, what very nearly did happen. What was her idiot brother _thinking_? Just how much has he changed in the years they've been apart that he'd be willing to take such a risk?

As soon as she emerges from the room into the vast chamber outside, though, her thoughts are very quickly diverted as she finds herself enveloped in the embrace of another red-clad lich.

" _Gods,_ Lup, I was looking _so long_ ," Barry whispers, holding her as tight as his half-skeletal form can allow. It isn't as good as being actually corporeal but it's there, it's _something_ , and it's so incredibly _welcome_ , and Lup can feel herself flicker a little as she clings to him in turn. "I thought-- I thought I wasn't going to see you again."

"I'm so sorry. I'm _so sorry_ , I never meant, I…." Though she doesn't really breathe in this form Lup feels out of breath nonetheless, her chest tight and sparks dancing around the outline of her hood. _So long_ indeed, so long without him or anyone, struggling to hold to hope, and now here he is. Here they are, together, finally, and she has to struggle to hold herself together from the strength of her reaction. "...it was only supposed to be for a day or two. Maybe three at the very most, I thought I had everything all planned out. I thought. I thought a lot of things, but...I should've told you what I was doing. Or taken you with me, I just…."

She holds a little tighter for a moment, then shakes her head and draws back just enough to cradle his face in her hands, feeling an odd lurch at the echo of the gesture she'd used on her brother only such a short time before. "...but what happened to _you_? You're…"

Barry makes an odd little sound, somewhere between a hitched sob and a hiccuping laugh; had he been in his body Lup knows _exactly_ the expression he'd be wearing right now, with that little crinkle between his brows and the quirk of his mouth, and she feels that lurch again, a myriad of emotions wanting to rise but she forces them down. Too dangerous, too much, without flesh to anchor her. "It's a really, _really_ long story, and, well-- when we get out of here we can get into that."

"When we get out of here," Lup agrees. There's so very much to catch up on, so much that she wants to say and to ask and to know but-- she lifts her head, looking around in sudden alarm.

While the two of them had been absorbed for those moments the others had moved on without her realizing it, and in a place like this (even with the slightly muddled perceptions she'd had of the place, she _knows_ it's dangerous) that cannot be a good thing.

Barry reluctantly releases her enough to look around himself in turn, the slight wavering at the edges of his form disappearing and leaving him as solid as ever. "I've been watching this place for a while, but couldn't get in undetected until I managed to slip in with the others when they arrived. I figured out how they're controlling everything in here, and, well, it took a while inside to be able to tap into it myself, that's, that's why I wasn't ready yet, couldn't directly intervene when Taako--"

He falls silent a moment, then shakes his head and starts again. "I got a door open to get them out of that chamber, at least, but now we're going to have to deal with those liches who hold the Bell. This place needs to _end_ , Lup."

That central pillar with that so-convenient spotlight has to be where they are now. So obvious, it has to be a trap, which means the trio likely wandered right into it. Naturally. Lup nods, then starts to move that direction, pulling Barry along with her. "Wholeheartedly agreed, babe. Let's--"

Her words are cut off as a bell peals out, loud and echoing louder, the sound making both liches waver and spark in reaction.

And above them they can see Magnus move into sight, staggering backwards, almost toppling back over the edge of the pillar as his _soul_ rips free of his body and drifts up before fading away.

"Oh _fuck_ ," Lup says, then disappears from sight.

*******

It had been like getting kicked in the chest, a blow that pushed all the air from his lungs even as it drove him staggering back, but between one step and the next Magnus had found himself stepping into insubstantiality, his hands clawing at nothing as he watched his body falling away, the _world_ falling away.

Now colors fade from his view and everything around him becomes hazy, like he's tumbling back and up and away into a dense fog, some invisible force tugging at him, drawing him onward. Magnus glances over his shoulder and feels a cold weight settle in his now-nonexistent stomach as he begins grasping for purchase at the nothing surrounding him, desperately trying to halt his progress.

That rift opening to welcome him, the edges uneven and glowing, is entirely too familiar after the expedition to the Miller lab. As much as Magnus has thought, _dreamed_ about reuniting with Julia again...now is not the right time. He can't let himself be drawn into the astral plane, to _die_ \-- not now, not with the others still in so much danger, not with so much left undone. She'll understand, he knows it.

If only there were something around him to hold on to, something in this featureless nothing that surrounds him, something for his reaching fingers other than the insubstantial mist that parts and fades without substance. It even seems like his frantic efforts to halt his progress makes him move all the faster, draws him closer to the rift yawning wider and wider to welcome him even as he reaches back toward where he'd been..

And then suddenly there _is_ something else there, a shape approaching rapidly, hands reaching for him, and without thought Magnus reaches in turn for this figure he knows but doesn't but instantly trusts. For a second his mind says _Taako_ but that's not right at all, it looks nothing like him, and he grasps at the thought even as insubstantial hands close around his and he feels the pull of the rift behind him lessen, feels himself starting to slowly move away again.

_Lup…?_

The name appears from nowhere and links itself to the hooded figure and Magnus only stares, but for some reason Lup isn't looking at him, instead gazing at a point over his shoulder even as she draws him onward. He can't speak to ask, even though his mind is reeling, and an instant later he feels a most peculiar jolt, thinks he hears the words, _"Babe! Catch!"_

Another jolt, more solid and _real_ , like landing hard on the ground after a fall (and the vague impression of someone apologizing, _"Just for now, Magnus, we'll get things sorted out in a minute"_ ), and Magnus can see again, though he's looking _up_ at...himself…?

Yes, that's definitely him, standing on the catwalk next to Lydia, though the smirk he's wearing twists his face into something less recognizable. And (he's relieved to see) Taako and Merle are still standing there, still unscathed, though the wizard's hand is trembling slightly as he points his wand at Magnus.

 _At me_? Magnus thinks, confused, then shakes it off and lurches into action with no more hesitation. Whatever just happened he's here now, he's moving, he can _do something_.

He pushes his way out of the other mannequins and jumps up beside his friends, almost sensing more than seeing the two red-robed liches fading into view at his other side. One of them spreads his hands as dark energy writhes around his skeletal fingers, while the other's hands are wreathed in white-hot flame, both focused intently upon their opponents.

As Taako and Merle turn to stare, Magnus lifts one wooden arm to point at himself-not-himself, determination flooding through him and lending strength to his voice. "I'll be having my body back, you undead fuck."


	5. Chapter 5

_It's your fault_.

The words seem to echo in everything around him: _your fault_ as the bell tolls, _your fault_ in Magnus's startled exhalation of breath, _your fault_ in the gleam in his eye as Magnus steps up again to stand beside Lydia. And _it's my fault_ makes Taako's hand waver as he points the wand at the two liches, one spectral and one shielded in another's body, the body they wouldn't have had if Taako hadn't agreed to the sacrifice and then gone back on it again. If he hadn't been too weak to maintain himself as a lich outside of his body. If he hadn't been so _stupid_ to refuse that first sacrifice, something that seems so ridiculously trivial now that he can no longer comprehend why he said no to begin with.

It isn't Magnus in there anymore, not really; even if he hadn't seen Edward vanish into the body Taako would've been able to tell that much, just from posture and expression. Magnus would never have looked at anyone that way, not with such cruel amusement, and it isn't until that moment that Taako is forced to realize just how much he's come to count on the fighter's gruff good humor over the course of their adventuring. Just how much he's come to _value_ it.

"Well, now that _that's_ taken care of," Edward is saying, casting a sidelong smirk at Lydia, "I suppose it's time to move on."

"Move on?" Merle echoes, his grip shifting on his Bible, grasping it a little tighter to himself like a shield. "You're planning something else now?"

Taako stops listening, letting the words wash over him as he mentally sorts through spells, what he knows, what he still has available to him, what can he do. What _can_ he do? Kill Magnus? Even if it isn't him in there anymore, that's...that's still Magnus, and he's supposed to just throw a spell at him?

Lydia, maybe, Lydia he can gleefully Disintegrate into nothingness. Or, well, he would if he had a high enough spell slot available to him. Fine. Fine, Scorching Ray it is, then. Or Fireball? What's best against a lich? _Shit, Taako, if you know how to_ **_become_ ** _a lich why don't you know how to_ **_destroy_ ** _one, this is all your fault anyway, can't you do something to_ **_help_** _\--_

A sudden clatter in the mannequins to one side interrupts his thoughts and the conversation Magnus/Edward and Merle are having, and a moment later one of them (clad in a high fashion interpretation of an elven ranger's armor) jumps up to stand beside Taako and Merle. That in and of itself would be startling enough, but immediately after its arrival the Red Robe appears on its other side, apparently...prepared to fight...

...with them?

There's something else there, too, something familiar that Taako can't quite see that still flickers in the corners of his vision in a way that makes his heart lift. Giving him a peculiar sense of _comfort_ , here and now and despite everything else, and that makes _no fucking sense_ so he forces it out of his awareness.

After all, the mannequin is speaking with Magnus's voice -- his _real_ voice -- and that's more than enough to set his equilibrium off-kilter even more.

"What the _fuck_?" Taako demands, trying to stare in multiple directions at once, from the maybe-Magnus-mannequin to the Red Robe to the two Wonderland shitheads and down to Merle, though the dwarf doesn't seem to have much more of a grasp on the situation than he does.

And then he flinches as a portion of the black smoke writhing overhead solidifies in a heartbeat, becoming a massive steel beam toppling down toward them-- but even as he raises his wand two statues appear on either side of the platform, arms raised to catch the beam before it can fall, and the Red Robe is lowering a hand Taako hadn't even seen move.

" _What the fuck?!_ " he repeats, his voice rising into slightly shrill territory. (He'll just pretend it didn't, later. If there is a later.)

Somehow the mannequin manages to look a little abashed, which does a weirdly good job of making it seem convincingly like the actual Magnus. "Kind of a long story, no time now, just...they're with us. I think."

The Red Robe glances over long enough to give a nod and a thumbs-up and Taako finds himself in the unpleasantly unfamiliar situation of being totally lost for words.

Magnus...isn't dead? (Completely….) They have an unexpected ally? (Sort of…)

_"They?" Who is "they"...?_

The pulse of _it's my fault it's my fault it's my fault_ lessens just a fraction, just enough to let him breathe. Maybe he hasn't ruined this beyond all redemption. Maybe…

Edward/Magnus suddenly laughs, and the objects above them dissipate into smoke once more. "Well, _this_ fight just got a _lot_ more interesting." With a flamboyant gesture that in no way looks right coming from Magnus's body, he snaps his fingers, setting the dark chamber to pulsing with lights and color. At the same time Lydia smirks, matching the gesture with one of her own, and the wounds and marks Magnus had sustained through their time in Wonderland fade, leaving his occupied body at full strength as he draws Railsplitter.

"Shall we, then?"

In another convincingly Magnus-like move, the mannequin charges forward and dives at Edward/Magnus with a roar, trying to tackle the fighter, but the axe drives into the armored torso and sends the wooden figure staggering to one side. The action, though, gives Taako a sudden idea to focus on, and he flicks his wand not toward their lich opponents, but rather the ranks of mannequins at the side of the catwalk. In response, five more mannequins, all clad in equally stylish outfits, also charge the possessed fighter, now giving him six faceless opponents to contend with.

Merle, muttering something under his breath that likely wouldn't be at all appropriate coming from a cleric, starts flipping through his Bible with his attention mostly focused on Lydia, then cuts off with a startled oath as the lich is suddenly wreathed in flames. "Taako, was that--"

"Not me!" he replies, eyes wide with admiration. Doesn't he _wish_ , that's a beauty of a spell. He casts a brief glance at the Red Robe, who seems to be occupied with diverting another smoke-wrought obstacle swinging their direction, so...likely not him.

Magnus had said "they" earlier, though. Unseen allies? Weirder things have happened. Much, _much_ weirder things. In the last _five minutes_. Best to just wipe out these fuckers first and then worry about the exact details later.

He flourishes his wand, missing his umbrella like he'd never really thought he would, and adds a Fireball to the flames already surrounding Lydia. The lich screams, her seeming of an attractive and fashionably clad elf flaking away, leaving a spectral form garbed in a much more necromantically appropriate black robe. Still she burns, flailing in her attempts to save herself, to evade, to counterspell, but the unseen caster isn't letting up, and the Red Robe is ably countering her attempts to create missiles from the churning black mist.

"That's right," Taako mutters with some satisfaction, flicking a Scorching Ray at the lich to keep increasing the hurt, feeling his teeth baring in a vindictive grin. "Giving us exactly what we want, here in Wonderland."

He cuts off with a yelp, his concentration broken as the sword strapped to his back gives a sharp lurch, dragging him backwards until he lands unceremoniously on his ass, and he can simultaneously hear a clatter of metal as other objects hit the floor nearby. A wild look around shows that mannequin/Magnus is standing at the center of an explosion of sorts, holding a faintly glowing device that's sent weapons and armor scattering, apparently to give him an advantage over Edward/Magnus, who's still beset by the handful of other mannequins.

So, things going well over there, Taako supposes, but he still grumbles to himself as he drags to his feet again. "I was _right in the middle of something_ here, Magnus, you couldn't be a _little_ more careful…"

And if he's any judge, things are going very well indeed on his side of the battle: the unseen helper added a Sunbeam that Lydia has clearly massively failed to evade. Her screams are growing more furious as they weaken, and she's struggling to even attempt a spell in return. Taako flourishes his wand and draws up enough power for another Fireball (his last for today, he's pretty sure) and for a second...hesitates.

It's peculiar, but he can almost feel a presence at his back just now, something familiar but unable to be named, something he should know, should recognize-- and a second fiery orb joins his own, the two fireballs spiraling around each other until they both strike in a raging blast of power.

Lydia lets one a last inhuman screech at the impact of the flames, then slowly collapses, hands and knees striking the catwalk with enough force that she disintegrates entirely, leaving nothing behind by a pile of ash.

Edward/Magnus screams an answer, no longer fighting back but struggling simply to escape the grasping mannequins around him. As he claws his way toward the spot where Lydia had been, a glowing angelic figure looms up behind him (looking a little more indistinct and fuzzy than usual, Taako notes with the a corner of his mind that isn't whooping in glee at the fact that Merle _did something right_ ) and thrusts a golden sword through the fighter's torso.

The divine weapon shoves Edward free of Magnus's body, leaving it behind to stagger and collapse onto the catwalk as the lich falls forward, one skeletal hand reaching toward the scattering ashes. Much as the Red Robe had once done (and much as he himself had so recently done, Taako refuses to let himself consider) his form is wavering, twisting, shedding bolts of energy that are growing in strength and fury.

Taako scrambles backwards in a search for shelter (futile, he knows, exposed as he is up here), lifting his wand, mentally reaching for some kind of defense -- Wall of Force? No, he doesn't have the slot for that, he's, well, pretty much tapped out for the day at this point--

And with a scream that's more like a deafening roar, Edward...explodes.

There's a rush of force, a wave of darkness like a storm crackling with deadly energy, forcing Taako to duck away and shield his face, hoping desperately that the others were safely able to do the same, that they'd realized the danger inherent in a lich's loss of control. (After all, hadn't he recently given them an excellent tutorial on the subject?)

When the storm passes he cautiously looks around again, tugging his hat firmly back into place with an absent hand as he takes stock of the situation. Merle-- there's Merle, struggling back to his feet as his pack bounces and jerks with the force of Cam's struggle to escape. The dwarf looks maybe a little worse for wear, but he's still standing, at least.

But Magnus...where's Magnus?

The mannequin in ranger armor was apparently thrown back, landing amidst the crowd of its kind, and it's working to free itself from a tangle of wooden limbs. But Magnus-- his body had fallen to the catwalk when Edward was forced free, and now--

There's nothing there.

Well, there are the scattered bits of equipment and weapons, the empty shape of the fighter's armor, and a small glass ball with a fish swimming around and around in piscine ignorance. But...nothing else. Nothing else but the ashen remains of the two liches, drifting around the base of a copper bell inlaid with a diamond pattern.

And Taako hears an unfamiliar voice drift from the red-robed figure above him: "...oh my god."

Magnus is gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello you lovely people! This will (should!) be the penultimate chapter of this particular fic, but I do plan to continue the storyline after! I mean, there are some preeeeetty serious repercussions coming down the line and all that.... :D So that's why there's now a series tag attached here, it's where I'm going to continue the aftermath.


	6. Chapter 6

Silence echoes now in the chamber, silence that beats a renewed pulse of _it's my fault it's my fault it's my fault_ in Taako's ears.

Magnus is dead.

_It's my fault._

His...his spirit, his soul, whatever, still animates that mannequin, but his body is gone. He's _dead_.

Merle is the one to finally break the silence, clearing his throat quietly as he glances from the innocent-seeming bell up to the Red Robe. "Should I...pick it up?"

"Well, it is what we're here for." The mannequin -- Magnus -- makes his way over and reaches out with one wooden hand, hesitates an instant, then picks the bell up, curling his wooden fingers into the mouth to keep the clapper from sounding as he does.

He's barely lifted the thing from the floor when a wind springs up out of nowhere, a wind that spins its way around the circular chamber until it becomes a vortex raging strong enough that it's difficult to so much as breathe. The remaining black smoke is sucked into the wind, blocking out all light and vision, until Taako is finally crouched down, both hands clinging to the brim of his hat, eyes clenched tightly shut as he waits for it to end.

And then it does-- and he can feel _sunlight_ against his skin. Startled, he opens his eyes again and sees the wide clearing in the Felicity Wilds where Wonderland had once stood, now lit by a late-afternoon sun and empty but for a scattering of people who look as surprised as he does. And, well...battered. Most of them are in varying states of misery and injury, as he supposes might be expected after having been in _that_ place for any length of time, but they're looking around and starting to move, if cautiously.

He slowly straightens again, brushing off and readjusting his clothing with absent hands, then freezes. " _Shit_. Merle! Cam! He...was in your pack, right?"

Merle blinks, gives a small nod, and tries to look over his shoulder at his pack. Which...is no longer jostling like it had been earlier, during the fight, when Cam had been trying to get out. "Er. That's…."

Rather than finish the thought, the dwarf carefully removes the pack and sets it on the ground before opening it. Their disembodied companion is indeed still there, his eyes closed, looking much as he had been when they'd first found him-- but this time he doesn't suddenly open his eyes in an attempt to jump-scare them. Whatever power was keeping him alive without the rest of the body seems to have disappeared with the rest of Wonderland, and once again there's only silence as the three companions stare down at the pack.

"I...guess he finally did escape Wonderland after all," Magnus finally says, with a faint sigh and sad shake of his head.

"Friend of yours?"

Taako jerks away from the voice so close beside him, half-turning toward the person who'd managed to approach without him realizing and automatically reaching for his wand before he realizes that he knows this person: Antonia, the elf that they'd met on the way in, though now looking rather worse for wear. And, he realizes with maybe a _tiny_ bit of guilt, one of the people he'd sort of maybe chosen to forsake earlier. "...yeah uh, he's...er. Kind of found him, um, inside the place and, and took him with us, and. So." He clears his throat quietly, one hand flexing as he again misses having the Umbra Staff to hold on to, feeling a flush creep up the sides of his neck and out to the tips of his ears. "Well, we're all out now, right? So it all, uh, turned...out...for the best…?"

Antonia nods slowly, thoughtfully. "You guys are the ones responsible for this, right?" she asks, gesturing around toward the sunlit clearing and the scattering of variously confused people. "Getting everyone out?"

"Oh. Yeah, that was us." Taako casts a dirty look at his two companions as both of them also voice their agreement at the same time, annoyed that he hadn't noticed them approaching as well. He must be more tired than he'd thought, to be so out of it.

Antonia only laughs, the sound a little rusty, as though in even the relatively short time they'd been separated she'd begun to forget just how to do it. "Well, no matter what else happened in there," she says, with a slight quirk to the corner of her mouth, "I think that's what really matters in the end. They wanted us to believe that our real selves are us at our very worst, but I think you know that isn't true. After all, you saved all of us."

She pats his shoulder lightly, an almost fond gesture, and turns away to rejoin Rowan even as Sterling draws Merle away for a conversation off to one side. Taako watches her go with a blank expression, his thoughts churning with guilt and self-recrimination. Does he know that? Does he really? She doesn't know him; saving everyone else was just an accident that happened when he was trying to save himself. And when he completely fucked everything up. And now Magnus is dead, and it's his fault. No matter what anyone else might say he knows the truth, knows that it's on him, completely.

The next thing Taako knows he's sitting on the ground, legs too weak to support him, hands splayed to either side to keep himself from toppling over entirely. He hears his name as though from a great distance, someone calling to him with concern that he knows he doesn't deserve, so he ignores it, focusing instead on not doing something ridiculously undignified like passing out.

"Taako! Taako, are you okay? What's wrong, are you hurt, should I-- Merle!"

The sense of the words slowly sinks in heartbeats after they're spoken, and when out of the corner of his eye Taako sees a wooden hand reaching for his shoulder he automatically wrenches away and feels himself connect again with the present with a nearly physical _snap_. "Don't--!"

He blinks, swallows, and quickly amends, "I'm fine," trying to cover for the almost frantic tone of the exclamation. "Taako's good, just...a little tired. Spell slots, you know, long day."

No point in calling Merle anyway, he wants to add, but can't quite manage to come up with an appropriately witty insult before the cleric is there, squinting at him and adjusting his glasses as though it would help him get a better look. A better look with his _one eye_ , Taako thinks, wincing inwardly. He'd give up an _eye_ and Taako here wouldn't even let himself look a little more _normal_ , just wait until they give their report to the Director and have to explain _that_ shit.

"Hope you aren't hiding any injuries," Merle says gruffly, adjusting his hold on his Bible. "I've been trying to talk to Pan and, uh. Bad news."

"Bad news, Merle? Really?" Had he not been a mannequin Magnus would be rolling his eyes right about now, Taako can tell. "That's terrible, I mean, we haven't had any _bad news_ today or anything."

Merle harrumphs and continues on without otherwise acknowledging the comment. "It's, uh, the connection is...not working, I guess you'd say. I don't know what's going on, but I, er. Can't, uh, help. Right now."

"Because you're _normally_ so helpful." The sharp looks the others give him tell Taako that he didn't manage to sound quite as  blasé and ordinary as he'd been aiming for, and he waves a hand as though dismissing any concerns they might have. It's not like he needs them to worry about him, he doesn't _want_ them to worry about him, especially not after what he did, what he caused, how much he is to blame for this whole fucking mess right now. "Just needed a sec to catch the ol' breath, my dudes. Ready to go when you are."

As he starts to push himself to his feet again Magnus reaches out to help, to take his arm or otherwise steady him, but Taako visibly flinches away from the wooden hand even though the action nearly upsets his somewhat-shaky balance. He can't. He _can't_. He's fine. He'll be just fine.

Magnus remains in that pose even after his help is rejected, hand still outstretched with-- uncertainty? Concern? It's not exactly easy to read expressions on a fucking _mannequin_ and Taako shuts down that line of thought _real_ fast. It doesn't matter. He can't fix this, so he shouldn't be worrying about it. (Shouldn't, shouldn't, shouldn't. Doesn't mean wouldn't.)

Instead, he clears his throat and adjusts the tilt of his hat, brushes off his shirt, gives his scarf a little flick to get it to lie better, fussing over small things that he can deal with, trivial things, things that won't increase the pulse beating between his ears, making his head ache. "We going or what?"

He can almost see the look Merle and Magnus exchange, though he doesn't look their direction, and after a moment hears another _harrumph_ from the dwarf and the two of them start to walk away, back toward where the Red Robe is still waiting. Taako watches their backs for a moment, feeling a sudden ridiculous urge to just turn away, to take off and go somewhere else, to worry about himself and himself only, but-- he can't.

He _can't_.

They've made it through this, and all the other tests and trials that lay before. This isn't the time to drop everything they've built, even if he _had_ somewhere else to go. Anyone else who'd take him. And besides...now he can't help but feel like he owes Magnus for what happened, for what he did. If there's anything, anything at all that can be done, and maybe there is, Taako isn't an expert on necromancy, that was always--

His thoughts slow, groping, reaching for something he just _barely_ can't touch.

Always--

...who?

He shakes his head once, firmly, and starts to follow the others, setting his shoulders firmly, placing each foot with care for the fatigue still dogging his every movement.

There's always a price for survival, he knows that. He knows that all too well. This time Magnus and Merle paid more than their fair share. That means, well, now _he_ needs to take a turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooooow, I've finished my first fanfic in a decade, this feels...so weird....
> 
> I hope everyone enjoyed! I'm going to get the next part of the series up once I get some stuff worked out, but it might take me a little bit, so please bear with me. Still a bit rusty on the writing front over here, and all. ^^;
> 
> Anyway, thank you times a million to everyone who read/commented/kudo'ed/was generally awesome. It's been really fun seeing reactions and I can't wait to keep this going!


End file.
